I’ve never been cool.
OK, there might have been a point around 1996 when I was a bit of a Britpop Princess with a hairdo modelled on Justine Frischmann from Elastica and a habit of dropping things like, “I saw Oasis when they were still playing sports halls” into conversation, but a couple of years later I was back to being uncool again and that’s where I’ve stayed ever since.
What’s all this got to do with David Bowie? Well, I was at a tribute to the man himself last weekend (that’s them, above). The band were really good and I had to smile because Moley said casually to the bloke standing next to us (who was more middle aged than us and kept nodding off) “I saw the real thing three times“…
Whatever you think of Bowie, you can’t deny the fact that he epitomised cool. And you know why? Because he decided he wanted to. When he decided he wanted to reinvent himself, he didn’t care what anyone else did, and when the rest of the world was getting the platforms and flares on and stomping to glam rock, he’d already got bored and moved on, killed off his alter ego Ziggy Stardust and started another one.
Bowie was cool because he was fantastically talented, because he tapped into whatever was going on musically, put his spin on it and moved on before everyone got bored with it.
So, what’s this got to do with being positive?
Fake it til you make it
It’s all about attitude and I’ve been reading a lot about ‘fake it till you make it’ lately. It’s no secret that I don’t always feel confident. It’s hard to project an aura of inner confidence if you’re chubby and let’s face it, fat girls are not supposed to be cool unless they are supremely talented. I can throw a few words together and I wrote a book once but that’s as far as it goes. But what about positivity and faking it till you make it?
I could invent my own alter ego to hide behind, and write blogs, books and all sorts under a pseudonym? Or maybe the concept of being confident, cool or just OK in your own skin is something that you just get when you stop trying to be what other people want you to be?
I have a dream that one day I’ll design a range of amazing plus size clothes. I have so many ideas. I love the idea of being a bit of a rock chick/indie girl, designing clothes for women who actually LOVE fashion and don’t want to just buy whatever is left at the end of the rack in Next in a size 20. The thought of it gets me so excited – except I can’t sew and I don’t know how to make patterns. And I haven’t done any fashion drawing for years.I’ve always been obsessed with fashion and I sometimes wonder if I’ve just made it impossible for myself to really get into it by getting bigger? Because I don’t know if I have the confidence to stand out in a crowd and wear things that other people don’t understand?
Maybe one day I’ll invoke my inner Bowie and design my very own uber-cool alter ego who wears whatever she wants and doesn’t give a stuff. Until then, there’s always Fashion.